The number 1 cause of premature ejaculation is an uncontrollable and overwhelming urge to ejaculate, produced from over-stimulation by your lover. This urge seems impossible to fight, or so people think! Your body reacts like this to ensure impregnation and the survival of our species. So basically it's a natural reaction. A natural reaction that you can alter. You know it can be altered because some men don't suffer from premature ejaculation and if it's a natural reaction it can't be a physical problem. So there is nothing medically wrong with you.
Premature ejaculation has been defined as persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, during, or after intromission and before the patient wishes it. There have been a number of psychological approaches to treatment, though we could not find any papers that defined the effectiveness of these approaches.
It's one of the commonest of all sexual problems. Recently, we did a survey of several thousand British males, and approximately 10 per cent of them said that they 'often' or 'sometimes' had this trouble. We found that it's commoner in younger men - which is not surprising, as there's a distinct tendency for it to improve with age. Men generally get better control as they grow older. However, a 2004 survey in Europe showed that middle-aged men still have this problem. Fortunately, good treatments are available.
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems. The condition is most often described as being an inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. The definition of when ejaculation is premature is subjective. While some men have trouble controlling their orgasm upon entry, others consider 5-10 minutes of copulation too little time. How long a man is able to last is not the important factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation. The crucial issue is if a man is satisfied with the length of coitus. (read more on preventing premature ejaculation)
More on preventing premature ejaculation
For many years, sex experts have tended to say that premature ejaculation is caused by early 'conditioning'. In other words, the man's early, rushed (and perhaps furtive) sexual experiences had to be quick - so as to avoid detection! The idea is that all this hectic rush 'conditions' him to climax as quickly as possible.
Ejaculation is a reflex that, once a certain level of stimulation is reached, is automatic. Controlling the ejaculatory reflex requires that the man be able to recognize and regulate the amount of stimulation he is experiencing so that he does not reach the level that will trigger the ejaculatory reflex before he wants to.
There's no medical standard for how long it should take a man to ejaculate. The primary sign of premature ejaculation is ejaculation that occurs before both partners wish in the majority of sexual encounters, causing distress for one or both partners. The problem can occur in all sexual situations, including masturbation, or may only occur during sexual encounters with another person.
"The penis can be trained without the hassle of starting and stopping or pressing your fingers anywhere," says sex therapist and former sex surrogate Anita Banker-Riskin, coauthor (with her husband, Michael Riskin) of Simultaneous Orgasm & Other Joys of Sexual Intimacy (Hunter House, 1997). "But first you must make the effort to develop your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which you’re now sitting on. The PC muscle involuntarily contracts as you ejaculate, causing semen to fly. But if you purposely contract it during the peak of sex, the PC muscle, says Banker-Riskin, acts like the brakes on a car and can bring an ejaculation to a halt. "Like any other muscle, you need to exercise the PC," says Banker-Riskin.
preventing premature ejaculation
Your health professional may recommend that you and your partner practice specific techniques to help delay ejaculation. These techniques may involve identifying and controlling the sensations that lead up to ejaculation and communicating to slow or stop stimulation. Other options include using a condom to reduce sensation to the penis or trying a different position (such as lying on your back) during intercourse. Counseling or behavioral therapy may help reduce anxiety related to premature ejaculation.
However, the primary treatment of ejaculatory control is helping a man, by various techniques, to repeatedly focus his attention on the increasing erotic sensations in his body as he approaches orgasm. By increasing his awareness of the buildup of these pleasurable sensations he is better able to judge where he is along the path of reaching an orgasm and ejaculating. (Note: orgasm and ejaculation are separate events, caused by separate systems in the male's body, though they usually occur at the same time. The term orgasm is commonly used when speaking of a male's ejaculation. Technically, however, orgasm is just the peak of the intense pleasurable feeling that usually follows a man being highly sexually excited.
The emergence of sexual tension and relationship difficulties are greatly reduced if sexual activity occurs under these circumstances: only after the partners know each other well and are comfortable with one another. Both partners consent to sexual intimacy without feeling pressured. Sexual activity should occur in a private and relaxed setting. In addition, contraception issues should be discussed, decided and acted upon by the couple.
Behavioral therapy is one possible approach for treating premature ejaculation. Most commonly, the "squeeze technique" is used. If a man senses that he is about to experience premature orgasm, he interrupts sexual relations. Then the man or his partner squeezes the shaft of his penis between a thumb and two fingers. The man or his partner applies light pressure just below the head of the penis for about 20 seconds, lets go, and then sexual relations can be resumed. The technique can be repeated as often as necessary. When this technique is successful, it enables the man to learn to delay ejaculation with the squeeze, and eventually, to gain control over ejaculation without the squeeze. Behavioral therapy helps 60% to 90% of men with premature ejaculation. However, it requires the cooperation of both partners. Also, premature ejaculation often returns, and additional behavioral therapy may be needed. (read more on preventing premature ejaculation)
preventing premature ejaculation - Tips
Start with masturbation with a dry hand. By varying how you caress your penis, you can learn to stay highly aroused for quite a while without coming. When you feel yourself approaching your point of no return, simply back off a bit, stroke yourself more gently or not at all, and stay aroused without ejaculating. Then as you feel yourself getting a little distance from your point of no return, return to more vigorous self-stimulation. Repeat this several times over several sessions. Approach your point of no return, then back off. For most men, it doesn't take long to develop good ejaculatory control while alone.
Then move on to masturbation with a lubricated hand. Use saliva, vegetable oil, or a commercial sexual lubricant. For most people, lubricants increase the sensual intensity of erotic fondling. Follow the same program: Masturbate until you approach your point of no return, then back off. Repeat this several times over several sessions.
Once you have good control during masturbation, and appreciate whole-body sensuality, and feel comfortable breathing deeply during lovemaking, then you're ready for the couples program -- if you're in a couple. The couple approach is called the "Stop-Start Technique." First, arrange "stop" and "start" signals with your lover, for example, a light pinch or tap, or a tug on an ear.
